Preface

 

            In a recent biographical memoir, I wrote about the decade I spent in an abusive religious group known as Revival for Our Day, founded and led by Rev. Loran Helm.  Further reflection on my experience led me to the conviction I should extract that narrative and make it the basis of another volume.  This is that work.  It is intended to not only tell my story, but also offer both theological reflection on the teaching of this group, which exists still, although Rev. Helm died in 2006, and offer some practical counsel for those who have been wounded or victimized in similar groups.

            Not only has Rev. Helm died, but earlier this year of 2021, his one-time right-hand man, and my former pastor, Oliver C. Hogue, has also died.  At one time I considered each of them to be a servant of Christ, and a godly man.  Over the course of a decade, I realized that was not the case at all.

            The intent of this narrative is not to beat up on the dead.  I weighed heavily whether to even use their names.  In the end, having consulted a couple of highly respected friends who are also well-known Christian authors, I decided I should. (One of these friends agreed with me, one did not. That is entirely legitimate.)  There are some people I do name in this work, and some I do not.  Those who I do name are for the most part people who were kind and helpful.  Some I do not name because they are victims like I was, and it is up to them to tell their stories when they are ready.  It has taken me 34 years to come to the point where I can tell mine.

            I do name Loran Helm and Oliver Hogue, because they still have devotees who highly honor them, even though their ministries were dangerous and toxic. I believe it is vital that people know who these abusers were.  My abuse was not physical or sexual, but there have been such stories emerge in this group.  I feel a sense of obligation to those who may hear of these men in the future, to tell this story so the picture presented is not one-sided.

            I called this book The Wilderness I Left Behind, because Helm titled his autobiography A Voice in the Wilderness. The reality is that his ministry and behavior created a wilderness for many people.  Instead of leading people out of a wilderness, he led them into one. In the decade I spent with these gentlemen, I do not ever remember either of them admitting they were wrong about anything.  They presented themselves as having a level of holiness which was not within the reach of most of us.  The cognitive dissonance between what I was hearing proclaimed and what I saw created a vast, dark wilderness in my own soul. This is the story of how I lived through this wilderness, and how I came out of it.  Everything I share in this narrative actually happened.

 

Clarence Graham White                                     

October 1, 2021